Bruce Willis’ Daughter Scout Says Terry Richardson Tried To Finger Her, Went To An Orgy

Bruce Willis has proven over and over again that he is more than capable of rescuing almost anyone from any situation, including the entire Earth from an asteroid. However he’s recently found there’s one situation in which he’s completely helpless, and that’s WHEN HIS DAUGHTER SCOUT’S BIG DIRTY MOUTH GETS HER INTO BIG DIRTY TROUBLE.
Apparently Scout had a Twitter account, @BougPunk, that she was using to broadcast all kids of unprintable filth (which we’ll print it below) about her day to day life. We know it was Scout, because of the evidence gathered by this blog right here. Although, we hope for Bruce’s sake this is all a big mistake, as we wouldn’t wish a Terry Richardson on any woman, least of all his daughter. Especially after he’s saved so many lives.
Although, when your mum’s most famous picture is of her while she was naked and seven months pregnant with you, and her most famous role is that of a stripper, you can hardly blame Scout Willis for having a mouth like an Irish docker. 
“Last night Terry Richardson tried to finger me, I didn’t let him, obviously. But I did let him photograph me topless in the bathroom.”
“today my friend and I snuck into the pool at the Chateau Marmonte, we charged fries and 7 packs of parliment lights to lindsey lohans room.”
“I hate capitalism like I hate my parents, but they both serve me so well.”
“Casually took MDMA at this little bar downtown and got fingered by the hot dude who delivered our munches because i was with too many gays”
“Once my mom dragged me to Cartier when i was hungover so she could get ring cleaned, I threw up all over bathroom…take that #newhighnewlow”
“haven’t washed me sheets in like months, cum stains, soda stains, mascara on the pillows the works! finally taking then to the dry cleaners!”
“I’ve had thoughts of suicide, lol”
“I mean, I only use lol ironically”
“Wound up at an unsatisfying “safe space” orgy this weekend my only trophy is the intentional cigarette burn on my forearm. I miss danger.”
“I think Julia stiles is fugly”
“My vegetarian phase was my pussy phase.”
“I’m totally addicted to cigarettes, but only french ones”
“got my septum pierced while wearing $200 dollar jeans, Am i a Bourgeoise Punk???”
A lot of people seem to want to finger her, don’t they? So you probably want to know why didn’t we put this story up yesterday, when it first broke. Well, it’s because it was a little hard to believe. Although, a spokesperson for Brown has now piped up to People magazine, explaining what really happened. Don’t worry, it’s nothing like as bad as it seems, just a little misunderstanding. Apparently, it was all a clever joke. Which, having read the self obsessed, pretentious drivel above, actually makes her seem even worse:
‘In connection with a class assignment, in which students were asked to create a ‘culture jam’ or ‘hoax,’ three students created a satirical and fabricated Twitter account in which everything tweeted was fictional.
‘This was done to illustrate how social media is utilised and that in today’s social media culture, you can create a significant twitter following based entirely on fabricated lies, and that the more outrageous and controversial the fabricated statement, the more followers you will get. 
‘Current media interest in the fabricated Twitter school assignment appears to prove that point.’
Brilliant. So there’s a class teaching kids that people are interested in reading anonymous bullshit on a site designed for those with a minuscule attention span. Sounds real. If only there was a way that idea could somehow be turned into a business.

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